Relationships and couples therapy

Relationship work is about slowing down, de-escalating, clarifying, and creating more space to connect with each other about what’s important to you. It’s about creating new patterns to feel each other, to care for each other and to celebrate together. It’s about connection.

My approach blends emotionally focused therapy, Stan Tatkin, and somatic perspectives on trauma. The work balances two pieces. First I help clarify your experience and help hold space for that. Second we’ll look at the relational patterns underfoot that cause disconnection. The three of us together can figure out the relational dance and create space for new footwork.

  • Focus on being there for each other, moving through defensiveness, and focusing on emotional connection.

  • Conflict inclusive. Conflict doesn’t need to feel terrible. This doesn’t mean it’ll be easy, but it can be productive. Conflict can create growth and bring you closer together.

  • Aim for differentiation, togetherness, autonomy and mutuality defined by what works for the two of you.

  • Interpersonal skills like communication, like listening, like speaking from the heart, like holding each other.

  • Inclusive of exploring power/privilege, dynamics and expectations that dampen your relationships and diminish your aliveness. Let’s create what you want.

  • Specialize in queer couples.

  • I especially enjoy working with those curious about open relationships. Those who are already deeply poly, relationship anarchy, etc. Also chosen family, poly platonic, queer-platonic and other nontraditional close relationships.

  • sex positive and kink allied.

I can help with…

  • improving conflict

  • trust & security

  • staleness & re-sparking

  • queer couples

  • codependency

  • sexual topics

  • open relationships & polyamory

  • infidelity

  • conscious uncoupling

  • other close relationships: friends, family, queer platonic

Approaches

attachment based

emotionally-focused

contemporary gestalt

family systems theory

sex positive

kink allied

influenced by and Esther Perel, Martha Kauppi and Maggie Nelson

Recommended books

Monsters in Love ~ Resmaa Menakem

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence ~ Esther Perel

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy ~ Jessica Fern

Come as You are ~ Emily Nagoski

The Birth of Pleasure ~ Carol Gilligan